The Epic Quest to Solve the Mysterious Riddle of the Tootsie Pop
The Rise of the Mega Study
For decades, the age-old question of how many licks it takes to reach the center of a Tootsie Pop had perplexed scientists and candy lovers alike. Countless makeshift experiments had been conducted in homes, schools and laboratories across the country, yet a conclusive answer remained elusive due to inconsistencies in methodology. It became clear that a large-scale, rigorously controlled study was needed to unlock the sweet secret once and for all. In 1979, a team of researchers from Purdue University came together with a bold vision - to gather definitive data on the “licking variable” through the most scientifically rigorous multi-disciplinary experimental design ever attempted. Millions in public and private funding was secured to recruit thousands of participants and design custom lollipop licking machines fitted with high-speed cameras, lasers and weighted pressure sensors.
The Variables of the Tongue
One of the first challenges was accounting for the wide diversity of human tongue morphology. Measurements were taken of over 10,000 tongues to map variations in length, width, texture and moisture levels. Subjects were screened and grouped according to these attributes to control for their influence.
Production and Quality Control
With collaboration from Tootsie Roll Industries, a dedicated factory and quality control lab was established to produce thousands of test lollipops each day under tightly regulated conditions of temperature, humidity and ingredient batching. Only the center-most pops passed stringent inspections for uniform diameter and shell thickness.
The Grand Experiment Commences
Over three years and over 250 million dollar budget later, the mega-study was ready to begin. Subjects were randomly assigned to automated lollipop licking machines calibrated to their individual tongue attributes collected earlier. High-speed cameras precisely tracked each lick while sensors measured force, suction pressure and popsicle degradation.
Controlling Confounding Variables
Researchers were vigilant for any factors skewing results. Subjects fasted beforehand and rinse with sterile water to control for dietary and microbial influences on saliva composition and flow. Technicians monitored for premature mastication - the all too human urge to bite down prematurely. Any contaminated or partial data runs required retesting.
Expanding the Database
Halfway through, an alarming new variable emerged - performance varied significantly on the day of the week. Further questioning revealed the likely influence of weekend diets and activities separate from weekday routines. To compensate, the database was expanded to two testing sessions per subject per condition , doubling the original planned sample size.
Breakthroughs and Setbacks
By 1987, preliminary analyses were revealing trends but overall findings remained inconclusive. A major breakthrough came when artificial intelligence pioneer Professor Claude was recruited to re-analyze the cavernous databases using neural networks able to detect complex non-linear patterns invisible to human researchers.
Military and Espionage Implications
Word of the project’s progress attracted new mystery sponsors - sensing applications for lollipop analysis in covert espionage and enhanced interrogation. However, disputes over diverting funds to non-consentual animal tests on avian tongues and platypus bills led to mass resignations and the loss of many grants.
The Primate Question
Just as clouds gathered, a zoo volunteer uncovered that prior data from chimpanzees and bonobos had been improperly included despite dissimilar oral anatomies. The entire dataset was contaminated, requiring a complete reset just as financing was running out. Facing likely career-ending lawsuits and Congressional investigations, principle scientists abandoned ship, taking the secrets of Professor Claude’s findings to their graves.
Present Day Attempts
Undaunted, newer generations of researchers have picked up where the original mega-study left off. Modern technologies now allow for reduced sample sizes while exploring emergent variables with greater resolution.
3D Oral Scans and CFD Modelling
Advances in 3D oral scanning and computational fluid dynamics (CFD) enabled digital reproduction of subjects’ unique mouths for virtual licking simulations. This revealed interactions between tongue wagging speed, pop diameter and fluid shear stresses influencing structural failure patterns across the candy shell.
Machine Learning and Statistics
With much smaller datasets, machine learning algorithms can detect meaningful trends invisible to older statistical methods. Current work focuses on refining simulation parameters to recreate Professor Claude’s findings using modern techniques. Continued attempts show the riddle remains maddeningly difficult to solve conclusively. Perhaps the true fun is not in reaching the center, but in the eternal quest itself. The question of the Tootsie Pop may never be put to rest, keeping us licking, learning and discovering for generations to come.
The References
- The Basics of Tongue Analysis. Dellaterra Wellness, 2022. https://dellaterrawellness.com/tongue-analysis/
- Saliva and Your Mouth: Function of Saliva in Oral Health. WebMD, 2022. https://www.webmd.com/oral-health/what-is-saliva#1
- Salivary Glands and Saliva. Colorado State University, 2022. http://www.vivo.colostate.edu/hbooks/pathphys/digestion/pregastric/salivary.html
- Premastication. Wikipedia, 2022. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Premastication
- Coordination of Mastication, Swallowing and Breathing. NCBI, 2011. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2749282/
- JVA, Mastication and Temporomandibular Disorders. IntechOpen, 2021. https://www.intechopen.com/books/temporomandibular-joint-pathology-current-approaches-and-understanding/jva-mastication-and-digital-occlusal-analysis-in-diagnosis-and-treatment-of-temporomandibular-disord
- How Many Licks to the Tootsie Roll Center of a Tootsie Pop. Medical Daily, 2015. https://www.medicaldaily.com/tootsie-pop-mystery-solved-how-many-licks-it-takes-get-center-based-science-321802
- Real-life Data Analysis of Tootsie Pop Licks. Minitab, 2018. https://blog.minitab.com/blog/statistics-in-the-field/real-life-data-analysis-how-many-licks-to-the-tootsie-roll-center-of-a-tootsie-pop
- NYU Study on Tootsie Pop Licks. New York Post, 2015. https://nypost.com/2015/02/09/nyu-cracks-the-question-how-many-licks-to-the-center-of-a-tootsie-pop/
- Tootsie Pop - The Quest for Answers. Purdue University, 2016. https://www.purdue.edu/newsroom/pitn/2016/Q4/candy-quiz-how-many-licks-does-it-take-to-reach-the-center-of-a-tootsie-pop.html
- Time Magazine Article on Tootsie Pop Licks. Time, 2015. https://time.com/3702741/tootsie-pop-science/
